Take away the sensation inside
Bitter sweet migraine in my head
Its like a throbbing toothache of the mind
I can’t take this feeling any more.
Devi screamed as another wave of pain washed over her. It hurt everywhere! Her mind was slowly being torn apart and her whole body along with it. There was only her, on her sofa, writhing in agony. Nothing existed except for the pain and the fear. The fear of not only losing her mind, but the of giving up and losing everything else. Long had she battled with the demons in her mind, but it was a battle she was losing. Everyday she felt more and more slip away. But it was sleep; sleep seemed to cause the most damage.
Every night, she stayed awake as long as she could. She played loud music and read and tried to paint. Anything to keep her awake. It never worked for long. She had terrible nightmares and awoke screaming. The second she woke, the pain started again. It lasted a couple of hours then stopped abruptly, leaving Devi slightly dazed and scared. She grabbed a cup of strong black coffee before leaving to go to work. Although she knew the danger of hope, by mid-afternoon she would have convinced herself that she’d stay awake that night; she’d stay awake and the dreams would never come, she would be strong and she would win! But every night she fell and sleep would ebb over her.
Tenna had stopped calling. After trying numerous times to convince her friend to get help, she accepted defeat. She stayed for a couple of weeks, then after a particularly vicious argument one night, left, leaving Devi completely alone. Devi was feeling more and more resentful towards the world. With every day bringing more pain and suffering, she lost the will to even try and communicate with other people. People with their false questions. None of them really wanted to know how she was doing; it was just polite to ask - not that Devi usually adhered to society’s expected reply of ‘fine thank you’ at the best of times. Now, when she replied truthfully, they nodded slowly then backed away. No one wanted to talk to some crazy goth chick.
As Devi grew weaker, her paranoia grew stronger. She was constantly plagued by the voice in her head taunting her about her friend who ‘thought he could fight’. Everywhere she looked, she saw thin shadows and heard those heavy steel tipped boots. But the startling thing, she wasn’t only scared. She was…hopeful? Any glimpse of a tall thin man in a crowd and she would watch, just to make sure that it wasn’t him. It never was.